Yep…That just about sums it up, “This is Crazy!”

How do I begin to explain how I got here, to this point, to this moment?  Well, easy… I can’t really.  That would take weeks and weeks of writing and explaining in book form all the emotions, all the tears, and all the feelings of defeat.  I’d be lying if I didn’t mention the times I just out-right felt like giving up… like everything I’d worked for in these past 15+ years in a genuinely noble profession was feeling like a waste of precious time.

But, nevertheless, here I am…

Quitting my job that I really liked for years, until this past year, when everything seemed to shift… things changed, and kept changing.  It became less about the job and more about all the other stuff.   The stuff that takes all your attention and energy…. heightens your anxiety and breeds fear to improve your performance.

It became less and less about the clients…

the people you worked so hard to help through the years… feeling less and less in touch with your purpose, your mission.  Don’t get me wrong…95% of the people I worked with were great people to work with.  That wasn’t really the issue. It was about feeling an increasing push from somewhere within that my time was running shorter and shorter…that I felt more and more out-of-place. That my purpose, as I mentioned already, was becoming dimmer.

That’s when it all came to a head.

I was forced to take a leave of absence from my job before quitting. The stress from it, and the stress from some really hard traumatic issues going on even at home with our adult child was taking its toll.  As I laid there, on the floor, literally feeling like I might be dying.  Nearly paralyzed…unable to get up, or sit up, I had hit rock bottom at that moment…

Waiting for paramedics to come and haul me off to the hospital in the back of an ambulance was such a surreal experience, and overwhelmingly humbling for me.  Now for the sake of time and risking boredom, I’ll spare some details, but the long and short of it was that I had suffered some kind of anxiety or panic attack.  My nervous system was so run down that any slight addition of stress put on me at that time literally felt like another brick hitting me in the head dropped from 100 feet above.  No, much of that was probably not rational to stress about the way I did, but it’s just how my body had become so weak at that time.

So…

As I prayed and prayed, and asked so many others at church to pray, the dust cloud began to settle a bit… I was led to make that difficult decision to resign my job and to focus on the daily chaos that continued to strike my family as it pertained to our daughter, 19 at the time.

She has some complicating special needs that were very difficult to manage, and it was a near daily occurrence that my attention was needed to help manage things at home, was for years really, had affected my ability to focus perhaps the way I should have at work.. But I was committed to trusting the Lord and putting family above my job, as I believe was the right thing to do. (my wife has written quite a bit on her blog about what we’ve gone through.)

I’ll back up and explain that for a couple of years already before this, my wife and I had discussed countless times about starting our own business.  The possibility of me starting a business from home, where I would run a woodworking shop.

It’s still our dream to do this…and so, I’m going for it.

We are casting ALL our cares at the moment,  on the One who has the power to make all things work together for good, and who has the power to provide for our family.  It is a giant leap of Faith that we’ve taken… and yet an extremely humbling leap.

To do this requires more than just wanting to, more than just a self-commitment, more than everything I am or have as a human being.  In fact, I won’t succeed alone and can’t do anything good on my own, without His leading.

I’ve learned, and am continually reminded that I am nothing without Jesus.

He has always provided in ways I can’t even make up in my head.  Don’t get me wrong, I still am learning so much and have much to learn, but I do know that I cannot just sit down and draw up a plan that will work…it’s never worked.  And if you truly are seeking to be used by God to do His work and to honor Him in what you do, you’ve probably experienced this on some level.. It’s not about us.  Not really.

God does love us immensely greater than we can imagine, which is why His plans trump ours every time if we’re seeking to follow Him and His will.

So, this may not be the whole entire story of how it came to be that I’m starting my own business at this time.  But,  through much prayer and through many years of wanting to do this I’m starting.  I even remember hearing my grandmother say to me when I was around 20 years old, “Matthew, you should be making stuff out of wood!”  Her voice still rings in my ears to this day, because I do love to create things;  beautiful, one of a kind things.

There is something uniquely glorifying to God about giving all your energy to make something using the talents that God has given you and doing it 100% and seeing that project completed, because nearly every time it ends up looking more like something that God helped you to create, not just something you think up and just do.  There is an artistic element to making things from wood that is not so unlike singing a hymn or painting something.

So, however long I do this type of work, whether full-time, or part-time, I will do my best to dedicate each day to the Lord, and thank Him for the opportunity He has given me to live out this “Crazy” little chapter in my life and in my family’s lives.

***If anyone needs anything like a nice family dining table that lasts for generations, to sit  around and share stories for many years to come, I can help.   If custom cabinets are needed just let me know.  I can repair your broken or loose wooden chairs or tables too, just give me a call on that as well.  And I’ll be posting some projects as I complete them which will be up for sale as well; from candlesticks to bunk beds/triple bunkbeds, and other tables and shelves.  Come on back, to see new pictures of what we have to offer, or just give us a call and we can take orders for what you need made.

If you read through this far on my very first post, thanks so much for your time and may the Lord bless you as He reveals His plans for your life as well, from one chapter of it to the next.

**If you would like me to lift you up in prayer for any reason, just contact me via text message or give me a call at 402-853-2226.

In Him,

Matthew